Vulnerable and Tired

D doesn't call unless there is something wrong and he called last night to say that he had left the house and he just wanted me to know for the record that when he left her she was still alive. He was not going to be responsible for what happens to her any more. She was on her own. I said he should go back, call for help and have her taken to a hospital. Let her wake up there enough times and maybe she will 'get it' . I went to bed literally planning in my mind the arrangements I would make if things turned out for the worse. Needless to say I didn't sleep well - even though the coolness of the night felt great. Meanwhile I was having probably the most important business meeting of my career in years the following morning (today!) On my way to work, I was not sure if I really wanted to know, but I called D to find out if everything was OK and he acted like nothing had happened and put me off in less than a sentence. With the important meeting ahead of me I didn't press the issue. The meeting went as I had hoped except for a small pothole and when it was over my eyes went heavy and my chest hurt. ON a day when I should have been elated, all the way home I held off tears. The emotions of the last 24 hours washed over me in a rush as I reached the solace of my garden. I sat yogi and breathed - but my emotions won.

It is strange to feel the vibrancy of the season, the colors and scents are so vivid, and hopefilled though a prelude to death. My expectations of evolutioanary change with the passage of time need to be re-evaluated, and begin and end only with myself - and those elements of my life that I have control. Acceptance, peace and love....